This isn't really a Daniel post. This is more of a Molly venting post because oh my gosh, I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed at work. I'll try to interject old pictures of Daniel throughout to keep it interesting. However, please feel free to not read this because it's mostly going to be me complaining.
I can't figure out if I'm feeling so overwhelmed because my job is crazy AND I have a baby or if I've just never had this much going on at my job before. It might be a combination of the two. All I want to do is make music with kids and spend time with Daniel. I never knew how complicated that would be...
I have six different ensembles that I'm prepping for concerts. Of those six, three meet after school. That's a lot...I'm fairly certain more than I've had before. I think at Palo Verde the most I had was five. Six ensembles is a lot to plan for, manage, and rehearse. It's a lot of practice tracks to make, music to teach, and people to manage. My ensembles range in age from 5 years old in Maui Youth Choir to 65 years old in Seabury Faculty Choir. I couldn't love what I do with these choirs more, but I worry six ensembles is a bit much for one person to handle.
Then on top of that, I have the musical. So far this week I've been in rehearsal every night, which means three nights in a row of not being home for dinner and bedtime. It sucks, to put it lightly. We're 6 weeks in and only 4 weeks to go on the musical. Sometimes that 4 weeks seems really daunting, but if I go one week at a time, I can do it. When I'm at musical rehearsal, I LOVE it..the kids are incredible. But leaving home, only getting to spend an hour with my kid each day, and putting a lot of work on Tom is rough. Plus Tom is traveling to the mainland once a month so I have weeks where poor Danny has to come with me to rehearsal and miss his bedtime.
Then there's putting together and rehearsing the band for the musical. Ugh. I don't feel qualified to do it, so I don't want to do it, so I put it off. Logical, right? Blah. It weighs on my shoulders.
Another thing I've been putting off is organizing my choir trip to Oahu in the spring. I should have already had a parent meeting and have had money due, but I don't even have a firm itinerary or cost yet. Because when am I supposed to plan? I'm teaching two new piano classes at school too, which require planning, grading, etc. I feel like I can't even schedule time to pump, let alone plan a trip.
And then there's student council...that's all I'm going to say about that.
It's just super daunting to look at my calendar and see EVERY weekend from now until Christmas taken up with something school related. It's scary to see my to do list remain long as time slips by and deadlines pass. And most importantly, it's NO FUN to only see my kid for an hour or two each day. It's not right.
The good news in all of this is that my program is growing and my kids are absolutely ridiculous this year. Teaching them is the easiest and best part of my day. I can't believe how much I get to laugh, sing, and grow with these students. Sure, they still can't handle difficult music and their tone isn't where I want it, but they are growing and learning. My upper schoolers are going to tackle an SATB piece for the first time! Progress.
When I found out we were going to have little Daniel, I said "I'm going to try teaching full time for a year. If it doesn't work, I'm going to ask to be part time." I'm curious if how I'll feel about all this after the musical, because right now I'm very tempted to go ask to be part time. I would only teach US Chorus, MS Chorus, and 6th grade. No advisement, no two piano classes. That sounds great, except then I realize that I'd still want to do my after school acapella group and faculty choir. And I'd still do Maui Youth Choir. So I'd still be at 6 ensembles but with less pay. It wouldn't make sense.
The other good news is that we LOVE our daycare. Daniel squeals, smiles, and laughs every time we drop him off. Liana is 100% incredible with the kids. She even filed his nails yesterday because in all my busy-ness I didn't notice that his nails were sharp and he scratched his face pretty nicely in two different spots. Ugh. But seriously, she's amazing, easy going, and so so happy all the time.
Ugh anyway, I could go on and on, but this has already been too long. I just need to get through November 13. At that point, the musical will be over and my evenings will open up A LOT. In fact, I won't have any commitments past 5pm since I'm not singing with any choirs right now. I think that will make me feel like an entirely different person.
Okay, sorry about the annoying venting post. Needed to just get that all out.